Coaches and Mentors - Managing our own Reactions

These are challenging times and uncertainty is having significant impacts on decision making, performance, stress levels and mental health.

Recently, during a peer group meeting with other coaches, it became evident that several attendees were challenged by the views and opinions expressed within the meeting about these issues. When strongly held and conflicting opinions were expressed, it created tension and stalled the conversation and within the group. Each of us had to decide whether to disengage, to listen, or engage with the challenging behaviour.

As coaches, we also have a professional responsibility to be available for our coaching and mentoring clients, to help them to navigate their challenges. But we are also subject to natural responses, in this case, to issues around uncertainty, its causes and possible outcomes. It was an interesting moment.

As a group, we managed our responses and behaved accordingly and then reflected on the impact of the conversations.

We observed that as a group we had shown a diverse and extensive range of realistic, human responses, some positive and some negative, which, included:

• Compassion
• Care
• Comfort
• Consideration
• Collusion
• Collaboration
• Constructing options
• Challenge
• Confrontation
• Conflict

As coaches and mentors we must carefully prepare for and navigate similar challenging situations with our clients.

This might suggest a set of guidelines to raise awareness and assist in working with challenging views:

1. Self-awareness: As coaches should be aware of their own values, beliefs, and biases. Recognising these can help in understanding why certain views from clients might trigger strong reactions in us.
2. Awareness of Others: Consider the client’s perspective, and with them as your client how can you achieve something that would be helpful for them?
3. Reflection: Take time to reflect on the coachee's statements and your own reactions. This can help in processing emotions and deciding on the best course of action.
4. Compassion and Care: Approach the situation with compassion and care. Understand that the coachee's views are shaped by their experiences and perspectives.
5. Consideration and Comfort: Provide a comfortable environment for the coachee to express their views. Consider their feelings and the impact of your response.
6. Collusion vs. Collaboration: Avoid collusion by not remaining silent when you disagree. Instead, collaborate with the coachee to explore alternative viewpoints.
7. Constructive Challenge: Create alternative hypotheses and interpretations without claiming ownership of those views. Challenge the coachee's views constructively.
8. Confrontation and Conflict: Be prepared for confrontation and conflict, but handle it professionally. Aim to retain the trust of the coachee and keep the conversation productive.
9. Judgment and Strategy: Make judgments about how to respond based on the coachee's behaviour and language. Choose your strategy carefully to enable the coachee to reflect on their views.
10. Professional Skill Set: Develop the ability to put your own views aside and present contrasting and alternative views when appropriate. This is part of the professional skill set required for effective coaching and mentoring.
11. Availability: Remain available for the client, focusing on their needs and best interests. This helps in maintaining a productive coaching/mentoring relationship.

In these challenging times coaching and mentoring are invaluable resources to enable those in leadership and decision making roles to discuss sensitive issues in confidence. But today's issues are unprecedented in their scope, scale and pace. As coaches and mentors we have to create that extraordinary space for our clients.