Listening: Using Emotionally Intelligent Relationship Management

Coaching is highly effective at creating sustainable change for an individual and therefore has a particularly significant impact when fostering change, learning and development within complex individuals such as senior leaders.

Emotional intelligence is both a skill set that the coach may seek to share with the coachee and a route map for the coaching process. Of all the interpersonal life-skills in the coaching context, listening is perhaps the most effective.

This series explores executive coaching and the importance of listening through the simple, four component model of Emotional Intelligence, which includes:

• Self-awareness – noticing one’s own feelings etc
• Self-management - managing oneself
• Social awareness - noticing other people’s feeling etc
• Relationship management – social and interpersonal skills
  

   

Using Emotional Intelligence to Manage the Relationship with the Coachee

This is the summit of the coaching interaction - making the coaching relationship impactful. Effectiveness of this stage will deliver outcomes for both the coach and the coachee.

For the coach, all the foundations of EI should be in place such that you, as the coach have sufficient capacity and capability to focus upon managing the coachee relationship.

For the coachee, having been effectively ‘listened to’ and feeling understood by the coach, the working alliance, ‘contract’ and collaboration will be effectively operating.

As the coach you will be seeking to enhance all the coachee’s emotional intelligence capabilities, through to relationship management. You will be modelling the relationship management and other skills that you are seeking to share.

Utilising emotional intelligence to effectively manage and nurture the relationship with the coachee involves a deep understanding and awareness of both one's own emotions and those of the coachee.

Relationship Management skills

Emotional intelligent relationship management would include the skills and aptitudes outlined below. These cover a range of skills, wider than just the act of hearing and listening behaviour, these skills aim to create and support a listening culture or environment.

 Model the behaviour you want to inspire

• Behave with emotional intelligence – self management and social awareness
• Show curiosity, seeking to fully understand
• Encourage open dialogue by asking thoughtful questions that promote reflection and self-discovery
• Actively listen to the coachee, ensuring they feel heard and understood
• Demonstrate empathy – awareness and ‘checking in’

 Build Rapport

• Connect – with body language, posture, energy
• Share appropriate and equivalent personal information
• Be aware of personality type and mindset

 Build Trust

• Recognise, set and hold boundaries
• Demonstrate and maintain confidentiality
• Foster a safe and trusting environment
• Manage your responses
• Invite feedback
• Demonstrate sharing, openness and be non-judgmental
• Show vulnerability
• Seek to understand culture, conventions, rituals
• Maintain professionalism

 Create Influence

• Demonstrate listening skills and their impact
• Create curiosity for the coachee to explore
• Avoid closing down the space for client exploration
• Test, challenge and dig deeper
• Provide (and seek) constructive feedback that is specific, actionable, and supportive
• Demonstrate and exemplify your values

Foster Collaboration

• Have a common purpose, agree the ‘contract’, , outcomes and objectives, milestones and measures
• Establish clear communication, set expectations
• Share information, knowledge and resources
• Ask for help, engage with others
• Create a common understanding
• Agree action, review progress, address issues
• Recognise and celebrate success, show gratitude and appreciation
• Engage with stakeholders, report to sponsors

 Inspire

• Adoption of effective emotional management strategies in the coachee’s personal and professional interactions
• Improved communication and collaboration within the workplace
• The coachee to develop a deeper understanding of their own emotions and those of others
• The coachee to build stronger, more empathetic relationships with colleagues and stakeholders

This process requires the coach to be attuned to the emotional cues and signals that the coachee may express, whether verbally or non-verbally, and to respond with empathy and sensitivity. By doing so, the coach can create a supportive and trusting environment that encourages open communication and fosters a strong, collaborative partnership.

Conclusion

The effectiveness of coaching in fostering sustainable change, particularly for senior leaders, emphasises a simple four-component model of emotional intelligence: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management. 

The coaching relationship's impact hinges on the coach's ability to enhance the coachee's emotional intelligence. Key coaching and emotionally intelligent relationship management skills, deployed and shared in the coaching session, include modelling desired behaviours, building rapport and trust, creating influence, fostering collaboration, and inspiring the coachee to improve their emotional management and interpersonal relationships.

Overall, the coach's wider emotionally intelligent listening skills, their 'awareness' and response to emotional and intuitive cues is vital for establishing a supportive and effective coaching environment.

Join the conversation

How might the approach to influencing an individual's effectiveness be further enhanced?

How might a Mentoring approach differ from a Coaching approach?

What does this mean for our understanding and definition  Listening?

How should we define listening in the context of executive coaching?