Listening: Using Emotional Intelligence

This short series of posts examines listening skills through the framework of emotional intelligence (EI).

Listening and Emotional intelligence

Listening and emotional intelligence are interwoven features in my coaching style.

In my coaching practice listening is almost certainly the single most important interpersonal skill.

It takes time to facilitate outcomes for a client through listening. It could be tempting to take a short cut and ‘tell’ the client the answer. But this has significant risks – not least that the client might reject the suggestion.

My experience is that by creating a place where the client - coachee / speaker can be thoroughly and effectively listened to then the insights achieved for the client are more likely to lead to action and positive resolution.

Listening should be deployed consciously and deliberately, and the listener needs to have the skills to deploy it appropriately. My use of listening is supported, and its effectiveness is substantially improved by integration with my emotional intelligence.

Emotional Intelligence

EI provides the listener/coach with the framework to deploy and manage their listening process. The application of EI by the coach / listener enhances the listening process, to listen without emotional intelligence would likely be counter-productive.

In my coaching practice, Emotional intelligence also provides several complementary and interlocking solutions:

• EI provides a framework for my own behaviour as a coach and in life
• EI provides a structure of my coaching process
• EI provides a skillset that I seek to model and share with my clients
  
  

My Working Definition of Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence is the ability to be aware of, understand and manage one’s own feelings and emotions, and to be aware of, understand and influence the feelings and emotions of other people.

Emotional Intelligence Components

Based upon the Daniel Goleman model, there are four main components to my definition of EI, as defined above:

• Self-awareness – noticing one’s own feelings etc
• Self-management - managing oneself
• Social  Awareness - noticing other people’s feelings etc
• Relationship management– social and interpersonal skills

These EI components will be used in the next few posts to explore how listening skills could be enhanced and used in the context of executive coaching.